To Lie Or Not To Lie?
Do you remember an old adage "A little lie always leads to a big distrust"? One cannot argue with that. But when starting a long-distance relationship, this saying is applicable more than ever. Any random innocent word you say without even thinking might lead to misunderstanding and end the relationship.
I vividly remember one example from my experience of working in a marriage agency in Kazan. We had a client from the UK who took out a lady that he liked (let's call her Tanya) to a restaurant one evening to spend some time with her and to get to know her better. They had already exchanged quite a few letters previously, and liked each other a lot. Besides, they seemed a perfect match as far as their profiles and psychological tests were concerned. My colleagues and I started talking about possible marriage and were very happy for them.
So this client comes back to us the next day and, hardly through the door, announces, “SHE DRINKS!” We could not understand what he was on about, “What do you mean? Who drinks?” – “Tanya, she drinks. She said in her profile that she did not drink, but in fact she does!” he was furious.
It turned out that at the restaurant Tanya ordered two (!!!) glasses of wine, whereas in her profile she (as most Russian brides) stated that she did not drink.
“Tanya, why were you drinking at the dinner?” we phoned her straight away.
She could not understand what we meant, “Who was drinking? I was drinking? What was there to drink???”
I am certain that most of us are thinking the same right now, “What was there to drink? If I have two glasses of wine, does it make me a drinker? “
That’s right, because “a drinker” as we understand it means “a binge-drinker”. Everything else does not fit this definition.
I will not even argue here. To be honest, I was struggling to convince the client that she was not lying in her profile.
But when you put down “I don’t drink”, that means “I don’t drink at all, I cannot stand alcohol”. In all other cases it’s best to put “I drink occasionally” or “I drink socially”. That won’t be far from the truth. For most men it’s not important whether we do or don’t drink. What is important is that we tell the TRUTH.
By the way, that relationship never worked out. A little lie did lead to a big distrust.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only case in the history of our agency.
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When we have a new passport issued, we can always hide it from the marriage agency staff that we have been married, or even married twice. We can even omit having children over the age of 14 being registered in our passport.
When we register on internet dating sites ourselves, we can decrease our age, use the photographs which have been edited to the point we don’t recognise ourselves; we can even say that we speak fluent English and parachute jump is our favourite kind of sport.
Why are we doing all this?
It’s simple. Who doesn’t want to present themselves better than they really are, particularly knowing that you can hide behind a computer screen? Who would say “no” to the extra attention from the opposite sex?
I am not talking only about women here. Unfortunately, men are just as guilty. They often use photographs which were taken 10 years ago and say that they a lot younger than their true age.
And what is the result?
Yes, maybe we do get the attention, letters and phone calls that we crave for. We even agree to go out on a date, wasting each other’s time and money. But when you eventually meet up, you cannot hide the fact that you are 10 years older and weigh 15 kg more. Oftentimes the first date becomes the end of the relationship which we have been anticipating for so long, because we end up meeting someone completely different from our idea of what the person should be like.
One more thing. If we finally met and liked each other to the extent that we decided to get married, then all the skeletons will come out of the closet anyway. When applying for a fiancé visa, both parties will have to not only state how many times they have been married, but also provide all the documents confirming previous marriages and divorces. Children’s birth certificates will have to be submitted and all court judgements will have to be declared, too.
You have to agree it wouldn’t be a very nice surprise to find out right before the wedding that this is the fourth marriage for your husband-to-be, that he has three grown up children, who you didn’t even know about, and he already had a fiancé visa issued last year for another Russian lady.
What can I say here?
Any secret will come out into the open sooner or later. If real and honest relationship is what we are looking for, we shouldn’t be starting it with a lie. Even with a little one. Remember that a little lie leads to a big distrust.
If you are getting tired of internet dating and nearly ready to give up on finding your other half, then we could help you find a match which is perfect for you.
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